Category Archives: Metal Jesus Likes

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Enders Game Movie: The Franchise that Never Was

Video Leave a comment

Ender’s Game is basically “What if school was run by the military… in space… and every group project decided the fate of humanity?”

Ender Wiggin is a kid so good at video games that the government looks at him and says, “Yes. This child. Put him in charge of the apocalypse.” Off he goes to Battle School, a zero-gravity playground where recess involves laser guns, emotional trauma, and other children who take tag way too seriously.

The adults insist it’s all just training and definitely not real, which is a huge red flag in any movie. Ender’s superpower isn’t strength or speed—it’s being uncomfortably smart and quietly overthinking everything while surrounded by people shouting military jargon. Meanwhile, Harrison Ford shows up as Space Dad™, delivering intense speeches like he’s still mad about a test you didn’t study for.

By the end, Ender’s Game turns into a lesson about leadership, empathy, and why you should always read the fine print before winning a war. It’s part sci-fi spectacle, part psychological stress test, and part reminder that maybe—just maybe—we shouldn’t outsource humanity’s survival to a kid who just wanted to play some games.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

How GOG fixed Cold Fear (Survival Horror game) | GOG Tech Talk

Video Leave a comment

Cold Fear is what happens when survival horror says, “You know what this needs? OSHA violations.”

Set on a rusty whaling ship in the middle of the Bering Sea, the game straps you in as Tom Hansen, a Coast Guard guy who clearly did not read the job description past “routine inspection.” The boat is rocking like it’s possessed by the spirit of turbulence itself, which means aiming your gun feels less like combat and more like trying to text during an earthquake. Missed shots aren’t a skill issue—it’s the ocean’s fault.

Every hallway is dripping, creaking, and aggressively nautical. Monsters pop out like they’re auditioning for The Thing, and the environment is so hostile it’s basically the final boss. Wind shoves you around, waves knock you flat, and ladders exist solely to betray you at the worst possible moment. Even doors feel like they’re judging your life choices.

Cold Fear is part Resident Evil, part Sea Sickness Simulator, and 100% committed to making sure you never feel stable—physically, emotionally, or morally. It’s tense, creepy, and occasionally hilarious in a “why am I fighting Lovecraftian horrors on a boat that won’t stop moving?” kind of way. Bring ammo, bring courage… and maybe bring Dramamine.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

The Fastest Game Console Ever Made? – Virtual Boy In Slow Mo – The Slow Mo Guys

Video Leave a comment

The Nintendo Virtual Boy is what happens when the future arrives early, forgets its glasses, and insists everything be red. Released in the mid-90s, it promised mind-blowing virtual reality and instead delivered a table-mounted periscope that asked you to hunch over like a curious shrimp. Nintendo said “step into the game,” but your chiropractor heard “job security.”

Its graphics were a bold artistic choice: red wireframes on a black void, as if every game took place inside a haunted oscilloscope. After a few minutes, you weren’t sure if Mario Tennis was intense or if your retinas were filing a formal complaint. Nintendo even warned players to take frequent breaks, which is never a great sign for a system meant to be fun.

And yet, the Virtual Boy is weirdly lovable. It’s the console equivalent of a brilliant but awkward science fair project: ambitious, misunderstood, and absolutely committed to doing things its own way. Today it lives on as a cult classic, remembered fondly by collectors and historians as proof that even Nintendo sometimes trips over the power cord while running toward the future.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Fallout New Vegas Nuclear Shot – Drunken Master Paul

Video Leave a comment

Fallout is what happens when the 1950s said, “The future will be great,” and the future replied, “Cool, I’m going to be a radioactive nightmare with jazz.” It’s a role-playing game series set in a post-nuclear wasteland where civilization has collapsed, but somehow bottle caps became a stable currency and everyone agreed that power armor is the height of fashion. You wander the ruins of America listening to upbeat doo-wop while being chased by giant cockroaches, irradiated cows, and people who really need to stop screaming “RAIDER!” before shooting you.

Gameplay-wise, Fallout lets you solve problems however you want: talk your way out, sneak around, hack a terminal, or just fire a minigun until the issue no longer exists. Your choices matter deeply—except when they don’t, because the wasteland is cruel, ironic, and very into dark humor. One minute you’re debating moral philosophy with a robot, the next you’re stealing a toaster for parts. It’s bleak, hilarious, and oddly comforting, proving that even after nuclear annihilation, humanity’s greatest skills remain sarcasm, poor decision-making, and collecting junk “just in case.”

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Star Wars Outlaws – Everything Major Added Since Launch

Video Leave a comment

When Star Wars Outlaws first landed, it promised something the galaxy had never quite seen: a true open-world Star Wars romp starring smugglers, syndicates, and people who definitely do not pay parking tickets on Coruscant. The launch version was bold, messy, and full of ambition… but it was really just the opening crawl. Since then, Ubisoft Massive has been busy in the background, tuning blasters, reprogramming AI brains, and quietly turning knobs marked “fun.” With new story expansions, reworked stealth and combat, ship upgrades, and a mountain of quality-of-life fixes, the game has gone from “interesting gamble” to “wait, this is actually pretty slick.” From casino heists with Lando to pirate treasure hunts in deep space, this video looks at how Star Wars Outlaws has grown up and asks the big question: is it finally living its best outlaw life?

We break down everything added since launch, including the Wild Card and A Pirate’s Fortune DLCs, Patch 1.4 and 1.6 updates, smarter stealth AI, less chaotic combat, speeder free-aiming, beefed-up Nix companion abilities, new space combat modules, accessibility upgrades, and noticeable performance and visual boosts on PC, PS5 Pro, and Switch 2. If you’ve been waiting for the right moment to jump in, or wondering what changed while you were off smuggling something else, this is your full tour of Star Wars Outlaws’ glow-up era.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Games That Don’t Hate Your Wallet

Leave a comment

Trying to save money when buying video games can feel like a stealth mission worthy of Solid Snake himself. The key is patience: resisting the urge to grab a new release on day one often pays off, since most games drop in price within a few months. Seasonal sales like Steam’s Summer Sale, PlayStation’s holiday deals, and Nintendo’s occasional eShop discounts can turn a $60 game into a $20 steal if you’re willing to wait. Subscriptions like Xbox Game Pass, PlayStation Plus Extra, or even old-school rental services can also stretch your dollar, letting you play a huge library of games for the cost of a single purchase. And don’t overlook secondhand options—local game shops, pawn stores, and even garage sales can hide hidden gems at bargain-bin prices.

Another smart tactic is to go digital in moderation. Digital storefronts often feature flash sales and bundle deals, but physical copies can be resold or traded in, giving you some of your money back when you’re done. Keeping an eye on price-tracking websites or apps can help you snag a deal the moment it appears, and stacking coupons, loyalty points, or credit card rewards can sweeten the pot. Above all, building a backlog of games you already own but haven’t played is the ultimate money-saver—after all, the cheapest game is the one you don’t have to buy yet. With a little strategy and patience, you can keep your collection growing without letting your wallet go full Game Over.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Top 20 Best Selling Nintendo Switch Games (SO FAR in 2025)

Leave a comment

The Nintendo Switch is awesome because it’s basically the Swiss Army knife of gaming consoles—one minute it’s a handheld you’re sneaking into bed like contraband candy, the next it’s a full-blown living room party machine that somehow convinces grandma to play Mario Kart like a Formula 1 racer. It’s the only device where you can slay dragons on the bus, build islands during your lunch break, and then smack your best friend with a virtual shell in the same evening, all without burning out your TV or your social life. In short, it’s gaming’s ultimate shape-shifter—half-console, half-handheld, all chaos.

Here are the Top 20 Best-Selling Nintendo Switch Games of All Time as of ~March-April 2025, based primarily on data from NintendoLife, VGChartz plus Nintendo’s financials.

Rank Game Units Sold (Millions)
1 Mario Kart 8 Deluxe ~ 68.20 Nintendo Life+1
2 Animal Crossing: New Horizons ~ 47.82 Nintendo Life+1
3 Super Smash Bros. Ultimate ~ 36.24 Nintendo Life+1
4 The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild ~ 32.81 Nintendo Life+1
5 Super Mario Odyssey ~ 29.28 Nintendo Life+1
6 Pokémon Scarlet / Violet ~ 26.79 Nintendo Life+1
7 Pokémon Sword / Shield ~ 26.72 Nintendo Life+1
8 The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom ~ 21.73 Nintendo Life+1
9 Super Mario Party ~ 21.16 Nintendo Life+1
10 New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe ~ 18.25 Nintendo Life+1
11 Nintendo Switch Sports ~ 16.27 VGChartz+1
12 Super Mario Bros. Wonder ~ 16.03 VGChartz+1
13 Ring Fit Adventure ~ 15.38 VGChartz+1
14 Pokémon: Let’s Go, Pikachu / Eevee ~ 15.07 VGChartz+1
15 Pokémon Brilliant Diamond / Shining Pearl ~ 15.06 VGChartz+1
16 Pokémon Legends: Arceus ~ 14.83 VGChartz+1
17 Luigi’s Mansion 3 ~ 14.25 VGChartz+1
18 Mario Party Superstars ~ 14.00 VGChartz+1
19 Splatoon 2 ~ 13.60 VGChartz+1
20 Super Mario 3D World + Bowser’s Fury ~ 13.47 VGChartz+1

 

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

Seattle makes the best kitchen knife. No seriously. I want this.

Leave a comment

Using a dull knife is like trusting a sleepy sloth to perform delicate brain surgery—it’s not just ineffective, it’s dangerously unpredictable. A sharp blade slices cleanly and goes where you tell it; a dull one, meanwhile, mashes tomatoes into tragic salsa while plotting a surprise detour straight into your knuckles.

Instead of gliding through onions like a culinary samurai, you’re forced to bear-hug the cutting board and press down with the strength of a thousand regrets. That extra force means when the blade finally decides to cut, it leaps forward like a caffeinated squirrel, making your fingers the unwilling volunteer tribute. In short: a dull knife doesn’t just ruin dinner, it auditions your hand for the role of “unexpected garnish.”

All that is to say, this new ultrasonic knife by a Seattle inventor is cool as hell. I really want one. Guess how much it costs? More than you’d like…but probably not as much as it should.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

You Need to Be Bored. Here’s Why.

Leave a comment

A Sonnet of Supreme and Splendid Boredom

O cruelest clock, thou sluggish turtle beast,
Thy seconds plod like snails in sticky glue.
My yawns, like thunder, never seem to cease,
While ceilings whisper, “There is naught to do.”

The curtains droop in sympathetic pain,
The sofa sighs, “I too am uninspired.”
A lonely dust mote twirls around my brain,
Its graceful waltz both mocked and yet admired.

I’ve counted socks, then counted them again,
I’ve stared at toast until it seemed profound.
I’ve named each crack upon my windowpane,
And held debates with chairs that made no sound.

Yet boredom, strange, can hatch the oddest schemes—
Perhaps I’ll juggle noodles… or chase dreams.

Featured, Metal Jesus Likes

This Is Considered The Most Mysterious Painting Ever Created

Video Leave a comment

Ah, The Arnolfini Portrait (1434) — or as I like to call it, “Medieval Instagram: #CoupleGoals.”

At first glance, it looks like Giovanni di Nicolao Arnolfini and his wife are posing for their wedding photo. But then you notice the details: she’s holding her belly like she’s announcing a baby on Facebook, except art historians still argue if she’s actually pregnant or just rocking that 15th-century “big dress, tiny waist” fashion trend. Giovanni, meanwhile, has the posture of a man trying way too hard to look important, raising his hand like he’s either swearing an oath, hailing a cab, or saying, “Yes, honey, I’ll do the dishes later.”

And the room? It’s full of flexes. The chandelier with a single candle — symbolic, sure, but also suspiciously like he couldn’t afford a full pack. The fancy oranges casually scattered around — medieval Costco didn’t deliver those; they were imports, so it’s basically the Renaissance version of leaving Dom Pérignon on the counter just for the photo. And don’t miss the little dog at their feet: not just a symbol of fidelity, but also a fluffy photobomb reminding us that even in 1434, pets refused to sit still for portraits.

The real star, though, is the convex mirror in the back. It’s like van Eyck invented the selfie stick. In it, you can spot not only the couple, but also two mysterious figures (possibly the witnesses), and above it, van Eyck’s graffiti signature: “Jan van Eyck was here, 1434.” Proof that even 600 years ago, artists loved signing their work like bathroom stall poets.