Ah, The Arnolfini Portrait (1434) — or as I like to call it, “Medieval Instagram: #CoupleGoals.”
At first glance, it looks like Giovanni di Nicolao Arnolfini and his wife are posing for their wedding photo. But then you notice the details: she’s holding her belly like she’s announcing a baby on Facebook, except art historians still argue if she’s actually pregnant or just rocking that 15th-century “big dress, tiny waist” fashion trend. Giovanni, meanwhile, has the posture of a man trying way too hard to look important, raising his hand like he’s either swearing an oath, hailing a cab, or saying, “Yes, honey, I’ll do the dishes later.”
And the room? It’s full of flexes. The chandelier with a single candle — symbolic, sure, but also suspiciously like he couldn’t afford a full pack. The fancy oranges casually scattered around — medieval Costco didn’t deliver those; they were imports, so it’s basically the Renaissance version of leaving Dom Pérignon on the counter just for the photo. And don’t miss the little dog at their feet: not just a symbol of fidelity, but also a fluffy photobomb reminding us that even in 1434, pets refused to sit still for portraits.
The real star, though, is the convex mirror in the back. It’s like van Eyck invented the selfie stick. In it, you can spot not only the couple, but also two mysterious figures (possibly the witnesses), and above it, van Eyck’s graffiti signature: “Jan van Eyck was here, 1434.” Proof that even 600 years ago, artists loved signing their work like bathroom stall poets.
