All posts by Metal Jesus Rocks

Ball x Pit Review (IGN Review)

Ball X Pit is the kind of game that lures you in with “it’s just Breakout, relax” and then quietly rearranges your entire schedule. Yes, there’s a city-building phase that feels a bit like homework you can’t skip, but once the ball starts flying, all is forgiven. Every run is dangerously fun, triggering that classic “one more run” spiral where a quick session somehow eats an entire evening and maybe a snack you don’t remember grabbing.

What really sneaks up on you is the depth. Beneath the brick-breaking simplicity is a surprisingly thoughtful strategy game that rewards planning and smart decisions far more than lucky dice rolls. It’s the rare roguelite that stays exciting even after the credits roll, the kind that lives rent-free in your brain when you’re not playing it. If you’re looking for a deceptively simple game that will cheerfully derail your free time, Ball X Pit comes highly, almost irresponsibly, recommended.

MY Highlights from PLAYSTATION State of Play (FEB 2026)

The new PlayStation State of Play just dropped and I dove in headfirst. 

In this video, I break down the biggest reveals, the blink-and-you-missed-it moments, the surprise bangers, and the “wait…what just happened?” announcements. Which games stole the spotlight? Which ones made me raise an eyebrow? And which trailer had me mentally clearing shelf space already?

Are new Porsches getting slower? Porsche drag race!

Porsche sports cars are what happen when German engineers decide emotions are acceptable, but only if they’re precisely calibrated and tested at autobahn speeds. They look polite, almost restrained, right up until they disappear down the road with a noise that sounds like physics applauding. A 911 in particular has been “basically the same shape” for decades, which in Porsche language means relentless refinement rather than change. If it isn’t broken, make it faster, lighter, and somehow more expensive.

Driving one feels like the car is quietly judging you. The steering is telepathic, the balance is uncanny, and every input is met with a response that says, “Yes, but did you mean to be that smooth?” They’re track monsters that can also fetch groceries, provided you don’t mind strangers staring at your parking job. Porsche sports cars are proof that obsession, when paired with engineering discipline, can turn a machine into a very fast, very smug companion.

Ranking Opeth Albums with Mike Portnoy

Opeth is the band that sounds like a candlelit medieval banquet suddenly interrupted by a demon politely asking if anyone minds some death metal. They glide effortlessly from acoustic beauty to growls from the abyss, sometimes within the same song, sometimes within the same breath. One moment you’re floating through misty Scandinavian forests, the next you’re being gently but firmly dragged into a sonic dungeon, and somehow it all feels… tasteful.

They’re famously allergic to genre boundaries. Metal, prog, folk, jazz, classic rock, sorrow, introspection, and the vague feeling of staring at a lake and questioning your life choices all coexist in Opeth songs that routinely pass the ten-minute mark and still feel justified. Frontman Mikael Åkerfeldt delivers vocals that range from angelic croon to subterranean roar, often followed by dry, dad-level stage banter that completely undercuts the drama. Opeth is heavy music for people who like their brutality served with elegance, their sadness poetic, and their riffs capable of both hugging you and haunting you for weeks.

Enders Game Movie: The Franchise that Never Was

Ender’s Game is basically “What if school was run by the military… in space… and every group project decided the fate of humanity?”

Ender Wiggin is a kid so good at video games that the government looks at him and says, “Yes. This child. Put him in charge of the apocalypse.” Off he goes to Battle School, a zero-gravity playground where recess involves laser guns, emotional trauma, and other children who take tag way too seriously.

The adults insist it’s all just training and definitely not real, which is a huge red flag in any movie. Ender’s superpower isn’t strength or speed—it’s being uncomfortably smart and quietly overthinking everything while surrounded by people shouting military jargon. Meanwhile, Harrison Ford shows up as Space Dad™, delivering intense speeches like he’s still mad about a test you didn’t study for.

By the end, Ender’s Game turns into a lesson about leadership, empathy, and why you should always read the fine print before winning a war. It’s part sci-fi spectacle, part psychological stress test, and part reminder that maybe—just maybe—we shouldn’t outsource humanity’s survival to a kid who just wanted to play some games.

How GOG fixed Cold Fear (Survival Horror game) | GOG Tech Talk

Cold Fear is what happens when survival horror says, “You know what this needs? OSHA violations.

Set on a rusty whaling ship in the middle of the Bering Sea, the game straps you in as Tom Hansen, a Coast Guard guy who clearly did not read the job description past “routine inspection.” The boat is rocking like it’s possessed by the spirit of turbulence itself, which means aiming your gun feels less like combat and more like trying to text during an earthquake. Missed shots aren’t a skill issue—it’s the ocean’s fault.

Every hallway is dripping, creaking, and aggressively nautical. Monsters pop out like they’re auditioning for The Thing, and the environment is so hostile it’s basically the final boss. Wind shoves you around, waves knock you flat, and ladders exist solely to betray you at the worst possible moment. Even doors feel like they’re judging your life choices.

Cold Fear is part Resident Evil, part Sea Sickness Simulator, and 100% committed to making sure you never feel stable—physically, emotionally, or morally. It’s tense, creepy, and occasionally hilarious in a “why am I fighting Lovecraftian horrors on a boat that won’t stop moving?” kind of way. Bring ammo, bring courage… and maybe bring Dramamine.

Las Vegas is AMAZING for Video Game Hunting!

They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas… unless it’s video games, then it comes home with me. Game hunting across Las Vegas, chasing retro gems and making zero promises about self-control. If you live in the Las Vegas area, check out Retro City Games: https://www.retrocitygames.com

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Las Vegas is a sun-baked mirage where common sense checks out at the front desk and never comes back. It’s a city powered by neon, bad decisions, and the unshakable belief that this pull of the slot machine is “the one.” Time doesn’t exist here—clocks are banned, sleep is optional, and breakfast can legally be a margarita served in a yard-long plastic guitar.

The Strip is like if Disneyland, a midlife crisis, and an airport gift shop had a baby. You can visit Paris, New York, ancient Rome, and a pyramid with a laser on top—all without leaving Nevada or learning a single useful fact. Meanwhile, someone dressed as Elvis is marrying a couple who met four hours ago, while another Elvis watches, quietly judging.

Vegas is the only place where you’ll see a man win $20, lose $2,000, and still say, “I basically broke even.” It’s loud, ridiculous, unapologetically extra, and somehow proud of it. Las Vegas doesn’t ask why—it just asks, “Cash or credit?”

The Fastest Game Console Ever Made? – Virtual Boy In Slow Mo – The Slow Mo Guys

The Nintendo Virtual Boy is what happens when the future arrives early, forgets its glasses, and insists everything be red. Released in the mid-90s, it promised mind-blowing virtual reality and instead delivered a table-mounted periscope that asked you to hunch over like a curious shrimp. Nintendo said “step into the game,” but your chiropractor heard “job security.”

Its graphics were a bold artistic choice: red wireframes on a black void, as if every game took place inside a haunted oscilloscope. After a few minutes, you weren’t sure if Mario Tennis was intense or if your retinas were filing a formal complaint. Nintendo even warned players to take frequent breaks, which is never a great sign for a system meant to be fun.

And yet, the Virtual Boy is weirdly lovable. It’s the console equivalent of a brilliant but awkward science fair project: ambitious, misunderstood, and absolutely committed to doing things its own way. Today it lives on as a cult classic, remembered fondly by collectors and historians as proof that even Nintendo sometimes trips over the power cord while running toward the future.

Fallout New Vegas Nuclear Shot – Drunken Master Paul

Fallout is what happens when the 1950s said, “The future will be great,” and the future replied, “Cool, I’m going to be a radioactive nightmare with jazz.” It’s a role-playing game series set in a post-nuclear wasteland where civilization has collapsed, but somehow bottle caps became a stable currency and everyone agreed that power armor is the height of fashion. You wander the ruins of America listening to upbeat doo-wop while being chased by giant cockroaches, irradiated cows, and people who really need to stop screaming “RAIDER!” before shooting you.

Gameplay-wise, Fallout lets you solve problems however you want: talk your way out, sneak around, hack a terminal, or just fire a minigun until the issue no longer exists. Your choices matter deeply—except when they don’t, because the wasteland is cruel, ironic, and very into dark humor. One minute you’re debating moral philosophy with a robot, the next you’re stealing a toaster for parts. It’s bleak, hilarious, and oddly comforting, proving that even after nuclear annihilation, humanity’s greatest skills remain sarcasm, poor decision-making, and collecting junk “just in case.”

What Happened to Parker Guitars?

Parker Guitars are what happen when a guitar builder looks at a perfectly good Strat or Les Paul and says, “This is nice, but what if it weighed less than a carry-on bag and looked like it escaped from a sci-fi movie?” They’re famous for being shockingly light, aggressively ergonomic, and built with enough carbon fiber and aerospace thinking to make NASA raise an eyebrow. You pick one up expecting guitar, and instead your brain briefly thinks you’ve been handed a prototype from the future that somehow learned how to shred.

They’re also the guitars that politely refuse to fight you. Ultra-thin necks, impossibly low action, and piezo pickups that let you switch from face-melting electric tones to convincing acoustic sounds without changing instruments. Parker players tend to be the kind of musicians who love technical precision, hate back pain, and enjoy explaining to confused onlookers that no, this is not a headless guitar, and yes, it really is supposed to look like that.